12 Apr 2008
Posted in Genealogy, Personal
It’s been a long time and a lot has happened. I’ve decided that for my own happiness I’m not going to try building a business by coaching other people. That’s been a big step for me, and a big relief. I don’t feel split, I’m not hedging my bets and can commit fully to the one thing instead of marking time until I get serious about the other one.
And I have committed myself now – I’ve applied to do the Diploma at SAG, I’ve joined a study group, in fact I’m leading one of the groups, and I’m selling off some of my psychology books.
Not all of them though, so there’s still some little idea in there somewhere that I might go back to it some time. And I guess I might too. One day. But I’ve realised that it’s not something that I can just dabble in. Really, you have to be serious about it to do it properly. Dabbling is unethical, really, it’s not fair to the clients and it’s not good for me.
It’s unethical because I’m not learning any more and I’m not specialising in what they need. A specialist needs to be at it all day every day. A full time job. Not a part-time interest.
27 Oct 2007
Posted in Positive Psychology
What else could positive emotions be for? Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson believes that positive emotions work differently than negative emotions. Whereas fear, anger, and disgust prompt us to fairly specific behaviours, positive emotions such as joy, interest and love make us feel safe and enable us to broaden our behavioural repertoire, so that we develop new skills and acquire knowledge that may be useful in the future. She calls this the broaden and build theory.
Her experiments have found that people who experience positive emotions have broader attention, greater working memory, enhanced verbal fluency and increased openness to information” (Peterson, 2006). We are better able to solve problems and accomplish tasks if we are “feeling good” than if we are feeling sad, or stressed.
Positive emotions also undo the effects of negative emotions, reducing stress in experimental subjects just by showing them a short film about puppies or waves on a beach. The subjects that got the sad films stayed stressed. This may explain the gallows humour shown by emergency workers under very stressful conditions.
Experiments outside the laboratory are rare at the moment, but you could try some yourself. You may have already done so. Try playing some of your favourite music when you are feeling stressed, or watch a favourite movie or TV show at the end of a long hard day. Play that favourite music before you need to perform some difficult task or when you are trying to solve a tricky problem. If you’ve been struggling with a problem all day, come back to it next morning when you are feeling more relaxed.
A mood is more like a state than a fleeting emotion. We might be in a good mood all day, or we maight have “got out of bed on the wrong side”. A mood is more likely to be described in behavioural terms such as cranky, chirpy, or good-natured, and do not usually have a specific object – something that has caused the mood. Moods are likely to influence what we do and think.
It appears that a person’s capacity to experience good moods or bad moods remains fairly constant. Difficult babies become crabby children and cranky old men and women. It also appears that mood stability remains constant, so moody children become changeable adults.
Good moods, or positive affectivity as the scientists would have it, are more likely to be shown be people who are happily married and enjoy their jobs. We don’t know whether the good moods cause the good marriages and jobs or whether it is the other way around. Religion is another factor in the lives of people with high positive affectivity, although again we do not know which comes first – the religion or the good moods.
It appears from studies of twins raised apart that positive affectivity is influenced in part by your genes. This means that to some extent we get it from our parents, but the glass is also half full – we can influence our general mood by knowing more about what affects our moods; by paying more attention to our actions than our thoughts, and by understanding that striving towards goals gives us more good cheer than achieving them (Watson, 2002).
Source:
Christopher Peterson. (2006). A Primer in Positive Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press.
Another big thanks to Chris’ marvellous book, which I am reading again as part of a course he is giving on Positive Psychology.
27 Oct 2007
Posted in Happiness, Positive Psychology
Pleasure can be defined as positive subjective emotional states. There are different kinds of pleasure and different intensities, so that the pleasure you feel when you are getting a foot rub is different from the pleasure when your football team wins the grand final, and different again when your girlfriend agrees to marry you. There are individual differences and preferences as well. To each his own, as they say.
Why do we feel pleasure? What is it for? The so-called negative emotions are likely to be an aid to survival. We get angry when we are attacked so that we are better able to defend ourselves. We feel fear when threatened with something much bigger or more dangerous than we are. So perhaps the positive emotions – pleasure – are useful to survival as well. We enjoy eating, sleeping and having sex so we try to perform these activities as often as comfortably possible, thus ensuring our own survival and that of our genes. Children like to play and so learn and practice valuable skills for later in life.
We also get pleasure from memories of activities or situations that have given us pleasure in the past, although we are more likely to remember the high (or low) points and what happened at the end – the peak-end effect (Kahneman, 1999). We also tend to forget how long the experience lasted – duration neglect. These effects may be worth remembering when planning a holiday – it can be short as long as it ends on a high note.
We like what we are used to and we consistently overestimate how long we will feel good (or bad) after a good (or bad) event. If your boyfriends leaves you you think you will never be happy again, but eventually this devastation subsides. You may think that if you win the lottery you will live happily ever after, but studies of lottery winners show that they very quickly revert to their previous levels of happiness. We adapt to the pleasure. The first bite of that rich, dark chocolate is sublime, the second less so, and by the third or fourth it could be any old choclate that you are eating. This effect has led to the hedonic treadmill, where it takes higher and higher levels of pleasure to reach the same effect (Brickman and Campbell, 1971). That payrise just ends up being spent on stuff you didn’t really need and soon you need more money to buy the better stuff that you now think you need.
Perhaps this is a good thing. If our pleasures were prolonged and so distracting that we didn’t notice threats to our survival we wouldn’t last long. Further, this adaptation to pleasures allows our interest to wane and then to enjoy them all over again. You would enjoy a single square of that chocolate per day over a few days far more, and for far longer, than if you ate the whole lot in one go.
What can we learn from all this? Enjoy your guilty pleasures in small doses more often, and hold off buying that bigger TV – it will seem too small soon enough. When bad things happen try to remember that they won’t last as long as you think they will.
Source:
Christopher Peterson. (2006). A Primer in Positive Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press.
4 Oct 2007
Posted in Happiness
It is a sad fact that for many of us the prospect of getting old is quite scary. We look around and see old people hobbling slowly along the street and we look away. We think of retirement homes with distaste, if not with outright horror. Is that what will happen to us? Will we become old and sick and unable to function normally? We can hardly bear to think about it.
Of course, if we do think about it we can all identify old people who are mentally and physically active and lead satisfying lives. But it seems a matter of chance – some are lucky, some are not. Better not to dwell on it.
However, it is not a matter of chance – it’s not about genes or bad luck, or being born into the wrong family. Studies by George Vaillant (2004) of the same people over 60 years show that aging well can be attributed to certain controllable factors, and they are not the ones we might think that they are.
He defined positive aging as consisting of six dimensions:
- absence of objective physical disability as rated by a doctor
- subjective physical health as rated by the person themselves
- length of undisabled life - whether the person had lost any years before age 80 to actual or perceived disability
- objective mental health as rated by success in work, love, play, and avoiding psychiatric care
- objective social supports – good connections with wife, children and grandchildren, siblings, playmates (eg golf, tennis, sailing) and social networks (clubs, etc) as rated by others
- subjective life satisfaction as rated by the person themselves
He used these dimensions to classify over 500 subjects from different class backgrounds (college and inner-city) along a continuum that ranged from “happy-well” to “sad-sick” at age 70-80. The happy-well tended to have high ratings in most or all of these dimensions; those with low ratings were more likely to be sad-sick, or had died before age 70-80. Then he looked at factors that had been measured earlier in their lives to see what contributed to this rating.
First let’s look at what did not predict positive aging. The happy-well did not have longer-lived ancestors, higher cholesterol, higher social class, warmer childhoods, more stable childhood temperaments, or higher stress than the sad-sick. Contrary to what we would believe, better genes, low cholesterol, social class, upbringing, temperament and stress-free living do not contribute significantly to a healthy and happy old age.
So what did contribute to a happy and healthy old age? Each of the following variables were shown to lead to a positive old age, regardless of social class or other factors:
- Not being a smoker or stopping smoking before age 45. Not smoking heavily before age 50 was the single best predictor of healthy aging, but if they quit smoking completely before age 45 the effect at 70-80 was much the same.
- Using adaptive coping styles. Coping styles involve the use of defense mechanisms to deal with stressful situations. We all use them, but some, such as humour, altruism and stoicism are “more mature” than others such as denial and passive-aggression. It is more adaptive, and healthier, to laugh at misfortune than to deny it is happening.
- Not abusing alcohol. Alcohol abuse was defined as “the evidence of multiple alcohol-related problems” with family, work, health, and the law.
- Healthy weight. Weight was measured using the body mass index (BMI). Being overweight (BMI> 28) or underweight (BMI<22) class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">positive aging.
- Stable marriage. Getting to age 50 without divorce, separation or serious problems contributed to positive aging.
- Exercise. Regular exercise of more than 500 kilocalories per week was required.
- Years of education. Those with higher education tended to stop smoking, eat sensibly and drink in moderation because they were higher in self-care, future orientation and perseverance.
This is great news for all of us. All of these factors are controllable – we can ensure that we remain healthy and happy into old age just by controlling our smoking, alcohol consumption, weight and exercise, and by working on ourselves and our marriages to cope better with stress and setbacks. The fact that a higher education makes us more likely to do these things should not stop us just because we didn’t go on to college or university.
Sources:
Christopher Peterson. (2006). A Primer in Positive Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press.
Vaillant, George E. (2004). Positive Aging. In P. Alex Linley & Stephen Joseph (Eds.), Positive psychology in practice (pp.561-578). New York: Wiley.
26 Sep 2007
Posted in Happiness
One thing you can say without fear of contradiction about the modern world is that we have more choice than ever before. Choice about careers; lifestyles; which city or suburb to live in; which house to buy; which car to buy; which school to send our kids to; which university to go to ourselves; which supermarket to shop in; which clothes to wear; which washing powder to buy; how to have our coffee; a never-ending list of choices assail us everywhere we go. How do we make these choices?
Research by psychologist Barry Schwartz from Swarthmore College in the States has shown that people consistently make choices in different ways. Some are maximizers – they keep looking until they have found the best possible choice among all of the alternatives. Others are satisficers – they search until they have found a choice that is good enough and then stop. People are all somewhere along this continuum, so some are more maximizers (more obsessive!) than others, and some satisficers are less selective than others. Where are you?
Comparing myself and my husband I have to say that I am a maximizer and he is a satisficer. When we are shopping for new spectacles, for example, I find a pair of spectacles I like and then I keep looking to see if there is anything better that I like more. He will find one that he likes, presumably that meets the criteria he had set, and buys them then and there. We constantly amaze (and annoy) each other to the point where it’s better if we don’t go shopping together.
Which decision style is better? Schwarz found that maximizers spent longer making a decision, as you would expect, but then they were less satisfied with their choices than the satisficers. Satisficers make a decision, are satisfied with the decision, and then move on. Maximizers, perhaps, are still looking around afterwards to see if they could have made a better choice even after it is too late. Satisficers are happier.
If you have identified yourself as a maximizer, how can you be more satisfied with the choices you make? Well, for a start, you might try to be more selective about which decisions you agonise over. If you are spending more than five minutes choosing a birthday card or a washing powder then perhaps you are not valuing your own time sufficiently. Keep the agonizing for the big decisions – the choice of schools, jobs, homes, partners, and set yourself goals for the small decisions to choose within a set time limit or within a restricted range.
Source:
Christopher Peterson, A Primer in Positive Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press, 2006.
14 Sep 2007
Posted in Happiness, Positive Psychology
A discussion about happiness, wellbeing, mental health, or whatever you want to call it, must soon get around to values. What are your values? What is most important to you? What can you not do without in your relationships, your job, your social activities? What values do you want your kids to have? Your husband or wife? Your friends?
Any search on the internet on values will come up with a list to choose from. The list itself doesn’t really matter, what matters is whether you can find 3 or 4 or 5 values that mean something to you.
Here are some suggestions: Accomplishment, Admiration, Authenticity, Beauty, Belonging, Choice, Communication, Creativity, Excitement, Freedom, Friendship, Fun, Health, Helping, Honesty, Humour, Independence, Individuality, Influence, Intimacy, Joy, Knowledge, Love, Money, Peace, Power, Recognition, Respect, Security, Self-determination, Self-fulfilment, Sensuality, Solitude, Stability, Status, Success.
Pick five, and then consider each one separately. How are these values displayed in your life right now? In your work? In your home life? In your hobbies or other activities? With your family? Think, too, about where these values came from. From your upbringing? Were they important to your parents as well? Or are they the opposite of what your parents valued? Do they fall into line with the culture at work?
Perhaps the values you are living by came from somewhere else? Which values would you prefer to live by? Perhaps, too, the values you’ve chosen are your own, and yet you find that they are getting lost in everyday life. There isn’t the time, or the money, to help others, or to be as creative as you would like. Or perhaps you have all the power and money that you could want or expect, and it still isn’t enough…
Questions like these can start you on the road to being happier than you are now.
14 Sep 2007
Posted in Happiness, Positive Psychology
There are many definitions of happiness. For some it is a great bottle of wine at the end of the day. For others it is the satisfaction of helping out at a soup kitchen. It is different things to different people at different times.
The question really should be, what does “happiness” mean to you?
If you can’t answer this question then how will you know if you are happy? Or whether you could be happier?
The trick is to find an answer that is meaningful to you and then to work out how to get there. And then to actually get there. It might take work, and it might mean changes from how you live right now. It will be worth it.
14 Sep 2007
Posted in Happiness, Positive Psychology
Coaching is not a magic wand that will make you get out of bed in the morning knowing that your life is suddenly perfect.
Coaching is a process of exploration and discovery, of goal-setting and achieving. At the end of each coaching session you will have greater clarity abbout what you want from life and what you are going to do to make it happen.
Like a sports coach, I won’t take on clients who aren’t committed, and I won’t do the work for you. I will give you focus and clarity, enhance your motivation, and help you attain the knowledge and skills you need to get where you want to be.
